Welcome to Stalking

When Babs and I had split, that funny feeling about how fast everything happened would not leave me. In the span of a week, I went from her partner that lived on the land she carefully created to out of all of her groups and staying at a friends SL home. This is when my curiosity got the best of me and I indulged in what some would call snooping and others would call stalking. I used one of Babs favorite methods to investigate: the groups. Simply looking at her profile and groups I could see her land group and with a click, a list of people that were in her new land group.

Babs had told me long ago that she found her ex girlfriend by this manner and used it to find out what alts had been created and were hanging out at the land. I didn't need to do anything more but click on two profiles that existed in her new land group. There were two people I had never heard of in there and that's when it all became clear. My Babs had an alt. Now, I'm not dumb, I knew she had a few alts, hell, even her avi I partnered with was an alt from her original that I met.

It was clearly her avatar with brunette hair. Not even really trying to be different. The picks had some of her favorite saying in them and was filled with love for another avatar. The one bit of information that jumped out at me was the date that she 'collared' her lover. It was from only a few weeks earlier and I remembered it instantly. That was a night that Babs had said she wouldn't be online that night.

I had gone online that night and hung out with my BFF and we were at her place talking, dancing on a new stand and dancepole she had modified and watched a Youtube video thing. Several times during the night we saw someone on the fringe of our radar but no name could be seen and each time they appeared, they were gone within seconds. Now, my BFF is about the most liberal person on the planet, clothing is purely optional to her and while dancing, it's typically topless. What's funny is that if someone saw us, they saw two topless women dancing and if they saw our conversation during that time, it was about music, food, current events and politics - not exactly 'steamy'.

The night ended and I went home and was about to log off when Babs suddenly came on! I said hello and she was in a fit! Not knowing what was up, I asked if everything was ok but she gave me the cold shoulder and didn't want to meet and have a hug which we always did. What the heck was up? She was so cold and I couldn't figure out what was up. So I logged off and went to bed wondering.

Now I knew after seeing this alt and the collar date. That night was the collaring date! She was in her alt, collaring her 'girl'! (Babs confessed to me a few months later that yes, she did snoop on me and my BFF from a distance and grew furious watching us.) Seeing that date, and not yet knowing the truth, I guessed that she had spied me, and either in a fit of revenge or as part of the night, she collared her girlfriend.

This leads me to my moral dilemma question. Is what I did snooping or stalking? My reason for doing this was out of curiosity and wanting to know the truth about something. Was it underhanded to look at groups and profiles? I'd always felt that profiles were public domain and if someone wants it private, they keep it private and don't share it with the world. However, I could be justifying it to my benefit, y'know? So I gained some peace from knowing it but it also made me mad realizing that Babs had apparently done this. It wasn't this innocent 'oh we didn't expect this' like they had tried to explain to me when they described the sudden onset of their relationship. Nope, this was something they both had plenty of time with.

After our split, things got snarky. Babs had a Flickr account and she promptly put up a number of photos of her and her new GF. Her GF didn't have a Flickr account so it was meant for my eyes since I went to Flickr daily. Is that stalking? You know, seeing new photos from a contact? I tend to think that it's not but yes, it involves seeing a contacts photos are updated and it's essentially in your face. To me, that's broadcasting new pics to your circle of friends which is beyond private.

Not to be outdone, I had a little Flickr drama of my own to indulge in. I took some new pics that were suggestive and included my BFF. This is when things took a turn to a new chapter in stalking. A new account made a comment on one of these pictures saying my BFF had a 'freaky avatar'. Now, if someone makes an unwelcome comment on a flickr picture, isn't that over the line? Isn't that inappropriate? It was an anonymous profile, but Babs has the subtlety of a punch to the face. (Again, she confessed to me later about this account so I know that my suspicions are factual.) The best part is that the profile existed for maybe a day or two max. She had tried being friends with about a dozen of my close friends in flickr before deactivating the account.

I saw all this and talked to 2 friends who had been contacted for friendship from this account. They had no clue and wondered what was up. Sadly, Babs had elevated from observing to now interacting and there was no turning back.

The kicker happened via Plurk. A social posting/twitter type thing that a number of SL friends use. I had been active in plurk for a while and when we split, I tried being good about venting my frustration and the things I was learning. Finally, one day I made a few choice comments about Babs and what we'd experienced. It was healthy to vent but not exactly the most classy moment I've had. The last thing I needed to do was feed her fire but I had held it in and wanted to blow off steam.

Things culminated in a venting email to Babs where I called her a coward for what she did. Knowing what I knew about her alts and the fact that my first partnership died because of alts, I had enough.

At that point her new GF stepped in and said that I was over the line. We set up a meeting and talked to try to bury the hatchet. It actually went really well and though I don't like her style, the GF appeared to make an effort to bring some peace. When Babs joined us after a long talk, she was pissed. She lashed out at me and ripped me up and down for what I had done. What the heck had I done? I couldn't figure it out until the comment from my Plurk was brought out.

That's when I was told that I was constantly being watched. The GF said something like 'you're not the only one with lots of friends online'. To which I asked 'is that a threat' and I got the equally cold response of something like 'it's a fact'.

Ok Lacie - guess what? You're being watched not only by Babs but by whatever army of others her and her new GF had. Things were just getting going.