It'll only get worse when you add Stalking

So it's been pretty clear that with my ex 'Babs' and her GF putting down the 'reality' I got pretty flippin creeped out. Personally, I didn't buy the whole comment from the GF who said that others were looking, it was Babs that was looking if anyone. Stalking is inside her and natural to her.

Around that time, I started talking to someone new in my world who I'll call 'Sunshine'. She was my contemporary who had been partnered to Babs' GF and was dumped much like I had been. Sunshine was quiet and I reached out to her for a common soul who might be in the same boat as me. Let me tell you, she turned out to be a very genuine and sweet person who was terribly upset by what the GF had done. Suffice to say, GF had really done a number on her and when I had mentioned to Babs before we got all full of venom that I was thinking of talking to her, she got SUPER sensitive.

Babs said that Sunshine was crazy and that talking to her would be a disaster. Yeah, ok. Basically Sunshine was able to help me and I helped her by talking about what had happened and she had done some similar searching and basically confirmed a lot of my suspicions about what had happened. Timelines matched, stories fit into place and for once, I had someone on my side that was happy to help.

The last few times I talked to Babs, she continued to say Sunshine was crazy but I just shrugged it off. What Sunshine was tho was highly suspicious of anyone after that. It's the price that is paid when you get burnt. Anyone in flickr or SL that she met, she worried was an alt of Babs or her GF. She didn't want games and was determined not to get played by them again.

However, after the little plurk event, our talking kind of went in the tank fast because I could tell it was just a game to Babs and the GF. I'm sure they had a good laugh at me trying to figure a way to be a 'good girl' and earn some trust back with them when they had no desire to see me back.

My contact with the girls that Babs had adopted in SL ended and I just plain gave up after a while.

After some time, a miracle happened. Babs and I had a series of IM's via Yahoo after a cooling off period. This is when she confessed to a number of things including the alts prior to our split. Maybe she was chilling out and with me out of her world, things were getting better.

I dunno but for a little bit, via Yahoo, we could chat and be a lot like how we had been when we were close. It's like, without the GF, she was her old self when we talked. Was it a trap? Was it something else? I couldn't tell! Sunshine said it was a trap and for a time, I felt absolutely confused about everything. Maybe Babs just needed to be away from her GF to be herself.

My defenses were up - I felt like I couldn't trust her and just left things be. Any chatting was not going to happen on a regular basis.

I had my magazine and hosted a party for an issue about BDSM and held it at Rouge as always. It was a great party because it was my way of venting off some energy and be with a lot of cool friends. Codie and Gabby host great parties and the tunes were great. What was most interesting was the one person who came in and stuck out like a sore thumb. In the middle of the night, Sunshine and I noticed a 'new' avatar with some really bad clothes pop in. She came in wearing some bad leather/latex gear and just walked in and spent her time looking at me without a word. For a few minutes I watched as this person walked around. No dancing, no interaction, just watching. Sunshine noticed and IM'd me. We chatted about the fact that it could be Babs.

I was just about to ask Gabby and Codie to talk to and possibly restrict or eject this person and they poofed. Within a short time, that avatar ceased to exist. A disposable avi that had been used to 'crash' my party? I would think so. Things after that got quiet and I tried not to think about it.

Focusing on me and my time in SL is what got me through things as I finally let go of the last of my hurt feelings about how our relationship had ended. Babs was happy with her GF and Sunshine and I were friends as well as a new person who entered my world and I spent more and more time with them. It seemed like everything was getting better as we all kind of moved on with life. But ending a stalker and their behavior is never assumed, it has to be driven out.

My next contact with Babs happened early in 2010, a full year plus after our split. I sent a message to her via yahoo because I'm sentimental as anything and I figured why not say something...and she came back with some harsh words, my favorite being an indictment on me about a myspace page that she had assumed was me. So just to paint this correctly, she got mad FAST about a myspace page that I had no control over. She said I had been 'talking shit' about her on there and to stop it immediately. Can you imagine this poor woman who is out there and enjoying life and somewhere in this world is Babs, watching on a computer screen and seething at it? Holy F*ck!

I had thought things were better but clearly she was swimming in the deep end of the crazy pool. Feeling awful for this poor woman that Babs targeted I convinced her that it wasn't me. Once satisfied, she and I talked a little again. She confessed to the alt from flickr with the snide remark and another of my suspicions was proved out. What bothered the hell out of me was her new tone. Before when we talked, she seemed like her normal self I had come to know but now, much more cold and calculating when we talked. She was now saying things about how we had 'gotten past' so much that I should give her more info about me. She was like 'what's the harm? Just tell me your real name'. Wait a hot second lady, you were furious at an innocent woman and now you want my real details?

The best was when she wanted to send a surprise to my office and asked me to give her an address so she could share something from her company. Guess what I said? You got it - 'er, thanks but I'll pass'. That's when the alarm bells rang again. Babs was in a space that seemed angry and obsessed. She pressed a few times to get my real info and somehow convince me that since Second Life was kind of over for us both, we should be friends.

Well, I put Lacie to rest around that time and didn't log on with her for many months. Letting her sleep safely was the thing I felt would bring total peace. No more Babs, no more of that crap. Babs has a twitter account and I did look at that from time to time, just to see what was going on but that was about it.

Then it got scary.

I signed Lacie back in one night and took some photos. Within less than a day a new avatar messaged me offline. A secret admirer. One I had never met or known. One that wanted to talk and 'had waited so long' for me. WTF is this!?!? Obviously someone with a script to report on my login had put it into place. Immediately I shrank back and wanted to throw up. Yahoo email account was given to me so we could message and I felt terrified by this crazy action. I tried to find out who it was and they said 'now what fun is that' when it came to revealing their identity.

But I had 2 good friends go into defensive mode and they quickly found a myspace page with some info and confronted her. She got spooked by this and quickly was gone. Deleted her myspace and the avatar. These friends of mine had dealt with stalkers many times before and didn't take it lightly, they wanted to go after them. They even found a flickr page and I had missed the friendship offer from months earlier. They told me enough information about what they found that I felt it had to be Babs. It was peculiar that the language this secret admirer used was the EXACT same words Babs had said to me when I became romantic with her in SL. Indeed, she is a creature of habits.

But wait....it gets worse

Babs loves myspace. It's her little place to put her avatar up and make a comment or two. No adults use this anymore but she did. She became a cyber bully and that's when I nearly lost it. Her avatar profile had her myspace profile link in it. Anyone visiting could see the link and simply click to view it. Knowing that this admirer had a myspace page and seeing a myspace profile in Babs profile made me curious so I clicked.

There I was - or at least she tried. By IP tracker, she had 2 maps showing 'stalker home' and 'stalker work'. In an attempt to show where I lived and worked. I couldn't believe it and nearly threw up. Now I was the stalker. Her twitter account had comments about a stalker and I didn't put 2 and 2 together right away but here it was. I was her stalker. How fitting, she does all these things and to put icing on it, she's the innocent one that is playing victim.

But this isn't a game or a joke. This was real and she was really trying to show where I live and work. This is cyber bullying at it's purest form when someone is putting up personal information about another without consent. It's against TOS for myspace and many other places including twitter. It hurt to see that and feel violated in this way.

At first I freaked out and told friends. They wanted me to get a lawyer and get on this. I shrank back and stopped having Lacie on once again.

Yes - I would look in on her Twitter after that to see if she was saying anything more because I was considering legal action and even talked to one about it. Babs has made her twitter private and public back and forth over time. I really don't care now because she took down her myspace page with her SL avatar that had all my details.

I did make one poetic move that I know she saw. A bottle I called 'stalkerjuice' was my litle artistic ode to her. For the first time I did something directed at her. It was my clear message that I knew she was a stalker and that she must be drinking this evil concoction. Making my own label it was a Second Life original.

She didn't like it one bit. Babs was sure to note on her myspace that she had taken some action based on it.

I took it down some time ago but the message was sent. She's seen it and got the message. She has subsequently taken down her myspace and potentially left SL. Good for her, she can go and exist in her little rotten life torturing someone else. I have no desire to ever hear from her ever again in life. After all these years of knowing her and spending the majority of it as her target, as her stalking victim, there is a sense of relief in getting this off my chest.

Of course, she's somewhere in the shadows, reading all this now and fuming, can you hear the crackle crackle of her fuses about to snap from all the heat?

The conclusion on this for me is that being stalked has been one of the worst experiences in my life. Knowing someone is watching has made me paranoid and less trusting. It shattered my belief in what an online friendship can be, especially from someone I thought I could trust.

When you see signs of this behavior, protect yourself. Don't rationalize it away, make a stand and don't get walked on like I did. My relationship with Babs ended but it never went away as we went from friends and lovers to emotional torture.

At times I felt like I was being nosey but it was always to protect myself and to figure out events in the past, not plan for the future, not to harass anyone. That final moment when I posted 'stalkerjuice' is when I finally made a stand. That's when I took control and that's when it stopped.

Babs has to look at herself in the mirror and answer to her God at the end of it all about how she has behaved. I'm not especially proud of making that picture but it served it's purpose and gave me strength. Now, so many months later I sit here typing up this memoir of stalking and close it hoping none of you experience this like I have. Either through luck of friendship or from blissful ignorance. I had to be too much like a stalker at times to protect myself and that is not who I am.

Babs - get some help. Get a life.